Neuroception: When the Brain Misreads Safety
Have you ever noticed how setting a boundary, saying no, or asking for help can feel strangely uncomfortable - even unsafe?
Our nervous system doesn’t choose what’s right - it chooses what feels familiar, even if it isn’t safe.
What Is Neuroception?
Neuroception is the term Dr. Stephen Porges uses in Polyvagal Theory to describe how our nervous system automatically scans the world for signs of safety, danger, or threat.
It happens below conscious awareness - your body is constantly asking, “Am I safe right now?”
When you’ve experienced stress, trauma, or long periods of emotional overwhelm, your “safety radar” can become overly sensitive. It might misread safe situations as dangerous because they once were in your past. The body remembers, even when the mind says you’re fine.
When Safety Feels Unsafe
Our survival brain often confuses emotional discomfort with danger.
It’s why:
Setting a boundary can feel threatening.
Slowing down feels unsafe after years of busyness.
Asking for help triggers guilt or shame.
Resting feels like you’re doing something wrong.
These aren’t errors - they’re survival responses. Your system learnt that certain actions led to conflict, rejection, or pain. Now it protects you by avoiding them.
When “Safe” Isn’t Actually Safe
At the same time, the brain can label familiar patterns as “safe,” even when they cause distress - like overworking, people-pleasing, or shutting down emotionally.
Familiarity feels predictable, and predictability feels safe to the nervous system, even if it keeps you stuck.
Re-teaching the Nervous System
Healing is not about forcing yourself to “just relax.” It’s about slowly showing your body that safety today is different from safety in the past.
In my work I use an integrative approach that weaves together Nervous System Healing, Parts Work (IFS), and Self-Compassion to help you feel safe in your body, deepen your connection with yourself and others, and create a life that feels good from the inside out.
If this topic resonates with you and you’d like support in helping your nervous system feel safe again, you’re welcome to book a free 20-minute introductory call. We can talk about what’s been feeling difficult and see if therapy might be a good fit for you.